HollyWritten By: Kerry Roberts
“Everything in a wolf’s nature tells it to belong to something greater than itself: a pack.”
Dear Fellow Mama Wolves:
I know you’re out there. I’ve only met a few of you, but we have so much in common! We are the hunter’s wives and hunting mamas.
Our Families
Our families aren’t like most families. The average American buys meat at the grocery store, if they eat meat at all. Our families have a freezer full of venison and we know how to cook it.
While some moms are washing soccer jerseys, we are washing camo in Dead Down Wind laundry detergent. Some husbands are watching the game, but ours are binge-watching Meat Eater and Red Arrow. While their kids play video games, ours are slinging arrows with us in the backyard. Their calendars are filled with vacations, car pool schedules, and sports. Our calendars and our lives, revolve around hunting seasons, fish spawns, and migration patterns.
Hunting Life
Hunting seems cruel and inhumane to some, but a way of life for us. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against families with different interests and hobbies than ours. While our lives do overlap here and there, we often feel like the outsiders. I love my sports mom friends to the ends of the earth and back. But sometimes, I need a mom friend that gets my hunting season angst and can hook me up with a good squirrel recipe.
We are the last of a dying breed; we are wild wolf packs in a world of domesticated dogs. I know you feel out of place sometimes, but you aren’t alone. There’s an entire population of us scattered across the country, raising our wolf pups in this ever-changing cultural terrain.
We have a few country songs and a couple outdoor channels representin’, but that’s about it. Hunting wives in particular seem under-represented. Even hunting shows don’t adequately portray the reality of this life.
They cram months of hard work (scouting, weeks of sitting in the woods and coming home empty handed, hours of target practice, bow tuning frustration, etc.) into 30-minute segments, which doesn’t adequately capture the effort and time that goes into the preparation. They might mention the hunter’s family occasionally, but there’s no footage of his wife losing her mind back at the house because the kids are fighting like wild animals in the kitchen again.
The couples who hunt together on TV are getting paid enough to hire a hunting season nanny. (Wouldn’t that be nice!) That’s just not the reality for most of us though. Maybe you want to hunt, but for now, you’re at a standstill because, well, kids. Or, maybe hunting isn’t your cup of tea, but you fully support it and miss your husband while he’s away. If any of this sounds familiar, this is for you. Let’s unpack this wolf pack metaphor, shall we?
Alpha Male
We’ll start with the alpha male wolf. Some men are born with wild souls. My husband is one of those men and yours might be too. Attempts to tame a wild soul are futile, as you may have figured out by now. You can put a wolf in a cage, but it’s still wild at the end of the day. Wolves were created to be wild. Therefore, the cage doesn’t tame the wolf, it only stifles it. Instead of turning into a tail-wagging, fetch-playing dog, it’ll pace restlessly and attack anything that dares to enter out of sheer boredom. His instincts don’t fade, they only grow stronger, feeding the restlessness and frustration.
Wild souls aren’t so different. If you’re going to marry a wolf, you need to know what you’re in for. You’re not getting an average pet dog here. You’re getting a wild soul. You can’t put a wolf in a crate and expect it to act like a dog. Most of your friends are going to have “dog” husbands. You can’t compare your experience to theirs because you are getting a totally different breed of man. One of the worst things you can do is try to change your wolf into a dog or expect him to act like one in the first place. Don’t marry him based on what you want him to be. Marry him because of who he already is. Get rid of society’s expectations and truly see him.
As you know, wolves have sharp teeth and claws, and they take no crap. They’re a little rough around the edges. The alpha wolf does everything on his terms. When he swears his loyalty to you, it’s because he’s chosen you. It’s kind of a big deal. Alpha wolves will only choose an equally strong female to lead his pack with.
Male alphas tend to be men of few words; when he does speak from the heart, it means so much more. Pay attention to his actions, because that is where he speaks the loudest. He works hard and loves harder. He will teach your pups how to track and hunt game, as well as how to fish. He’ll fill the freezer with the meat he harvested himself (obviously). He’ll earn the heck out of his paycheck to take care of his pack. He’ll make you coffee, and sometimes even cook breakfast like a boss. He’ll love his lady wolf in ways that do not require words; words alone are insufficient to describe the profound electricity that occurs between you.
He may not gush about his love for you on facebook, but he doesn’t need to; you will feel it every time he touches you and that’s enough. When you’re with him, you are home. According to the Wolf Howl Organization, the courtship between the alpha male and alpha female is a bonding process, where the pair get to know each other intimately. This leads to a mutual strong emotional attachment that bonds the two for a lifetime. You are his, and he is yours.
As his lady wolf, you see his wild soul. You don’t try to cage it, but instead, you feed and nurture it. You encourage him to hunt, as his very instincts are calling him to do. You send him out into the vast wilderness that’s such a big part of him; to the woods, the mountains, the oceans and rivers that feed his soul. Support him in this and he will always come home to you. You’ll be the first one he shares his harvest with.
He’ll impart the knowledge and wisdom he’s gained with your pups, because he knows wolves are a dying breed and the next generation needs to be strong. A wolf and his lady are always connected; connected despite their differences, and even the distance between them during hunts. They’re the foundation of the pack and they put their pack above all else. Nothing can separate two strong wolves who have sworn their loyalties to one another and their pack. (Don’t attempt this unless you have a death wish!)
Alpha Females
Let’s shift gears to the alpha female. When your mate is on a hunt, you are your pups constant. You’re their rock, the keeper of the next wolf generation. I know it is hard being a Mama wolf in this season of life. Your pups are completely dependent on you and have even wilder souls than their father! Your co-alpha is moving forward, while you feel stuck in the den at a standstill. He’s been on countless hunts when you have yet to go on your first one. You bear the weight of being a Mama wolf alone much of the time. Sometimes that weight feels crushing. You give until there’s nothing left, and then you give some more. Yet you feel that you’re not doing enough somehow.
Your alpha is out there providing while you’re buried under nursing pups in the den for days on end. You have this nagging feeling that you aren’t doing enough for the pack, and you just can’t shake it. You wake up with fussy babies in the wee hours, kiss countless booboos, calm tantrums, feed all the hungry bellies, and everything in between. But that nagging feeling of “you’re not enough” persists, nevertheless.
Wolf Pups
Wolf pups are messy, demanding, they fight a lot, and are stubborn beyond all reason. It will exhaust you to your very soul. There are moments when you don’t know how you can go on without completely losing it. But then, you DO. One step at a time, one moment at a time, you keep going.
You push through the exhaustion, the mom guilt, the constant noise and chaos, the voice that says you’re not enough, the repetitive monotony of running the house, and the demands thrown at you from all directions. You fight your own demons in the background, deal with drama from the outside, and filter out the constant barrage of society’s negativity.
Embrace It
That crushing weight you’re feeling? That’s making you stronger. That exhaustion you’re pushing through? That’s building your endurance. That anger at society and it’s corruption? That’s your fuel to raise a better generation.
Finally telling that nagging voice in your head to sit down and shut up? That’s your confidence rising. That frustration you feel when your pups are being particularly ornery? That is the growing pain of patience. It can feel like an uphill battle much of the time, but as the old saying goes, “smooth seas never made a skillful sailor.” This is how you grow, and growing hurts. Embrace it.
Mama Wolfs Heart
You don’t take your role as mama wolf to these wildlings lightly. You may have a softer bark than your other half does, but you’re equally as protective. As a matter of fact, you are particularly vital to the pack. In an article by Living With Wolves, it states, “Typically, there is only one breeding pair in a pack. They, especially the alpha female, are the glue keeping the pack together.” The glue!
The loss of a parent can dissolve the entire pack! That is why alphas must protect each other so fiercely. Alphas who keep each other strong keep the pups strong. They are the foundation of the pack, and the pups are the future of it.
Remember, before all my rambling, I called this part of motherhood a “season”? That means that this is temporary. Take heart, mama wolf–Your time to hunt as one with your co-alpha, and together as a pack, is approaching. You may feel like the lactating maid right now, but you are so much more than that.
Be Still
Be still and pay attention, can you feel it? That is your wild heart beating. Do you hear it? That’s your quiet strength roaring like thunder. There are some hard days ahead still, but there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Keep your pups well fed, well loved, and in line (as best as you can, anyway). Stay loyal to your co-alpha, nurture his wild, meet his intensity head on, and learn from each other.
Remember, even though your roles are different for a season, you’re still a team, and you are the glue. Your time is coming. All the patience, resourcefulness, endurance, confidence and strength you’ve spent the past several years building on is exactly what will make you one heck of a hunter, and formidable alpha wolf. The pack the two of you have built will be a force to be reckoned with.
The Alpha Pack
There will come a day when you and your alpha will watch the sun rise over your grown wolf pups, going out to hunt on their own, starting their own packs, and teaching their young to hunt just as they were taught to do by the two of you. And in that moment, you will see the future. And you’ll see that it is good.
“I am the Alpha. My pack comes first. My mate is my other half: how I treat her is how I treat myself. I am kind to the young. I am strong in the storm. I am fierce to my enemies. I love mother earth. I respect father sun. I sing for grandmother moon. I am the Alpha. I set the example; my tracks set the path for generations to come.” -Unknown
“She has a quiet confidence that screams loud. She is humble, but strong. She is stable, but rebellious. She is giving, but not naïve. She chooses her battles wisely. She’ll stay silent until it’s time to fight, and when that time comes, fight she does!” -Jordan Sarah Weatherhead
“There are many soulmates; but only one can understand the howling of your heart.” -Unknown
